8.13.2023 - Darkness Drowning

8.13.2023
Darkness Drowning

It's so very late,
Or maybe early.
Weariness oppressed like a hand,
Hard and hairy, rough-palmed,
Pinning me to my bed.
Drifting in and out, helpless,
It's then that the dark thoughts come.
Like waking nightmares hounding my mind,
Rolling in like a bitter fog,
Curdling around my heart,
Chilling me as I burn.
I am running from death,
Stuck fast to the sticky mattress,
Tar paper exhaustion.
The blackened nautilus of my imagination,
Unfurling its poison to leaden my limbs.
Awash in blood and fear, and pursued.
My heart beats a tattoo of harsh bird wings beating in my breast.
I don't want to think.
I fear to sleep,
Slipping in and out.
My comfortable night, too moonless,
The shadows hiding my attacker,
While I quake, full of despair.
I am so very, very tired,
But my traitor brain compels me to look,
To bear witness to the bile my shadow self exposes.
In my mind, there is screaming,
Babies wail in timeless oscillations,
Unseen men howl in rage,
Women weep in exhausted gasps and whimpers.
I swim through blood and guns and terror.
I flail my limbs without movement.
Against my will, betraying my own interests,
I am drawn beneath the waves,
Over and over, drowning in the dark.
I gasp, I freeze, and I just want to sleep.