8.18.2023 - Vulnerability

8.18.2023
Vulnerability

Am I ever weak before them,
When they watch and whisper?
Do I speak deeply,
Or merely mouth around unseen depths?
I want to be known.
To be cited and close,
Present and transparent.
So I tell you facts and figures,
All the details I can muster.
To display the things I will not show you,
I will show you my empty chest,
Hiding the battered heart I've removed.
Tearing the weakness from my flesh,
With all the clarity of a murderer.
I will even admit to it all.
But still, my heart remains buried,
Secret in its boxy prison.
I want to throw the locks wide,
Hand you my faults and truths to hold.
I want to be a touched being,
But I cannot be vulnerable anymore.
It hurts too much when weaponized.
I know too much to have faith,
And I am too ignorant of my own nature.
How can I let you into a vault,
I myself cannot access?
I reject vulnerability,
Even to the mirror.