8.17.2023 - Suddenly Shy

8.17.2023
Suddenly Shy

I used to know how to do this,
How to touch and to connect.
When did that change?
When did this shyness bloom within me?
The years spread wide behind me,
Dark and obfuscated in fog.
Tantalizing and ripe for investigation,
Were I only to look behind.
But I let that past lie under the dirt,
Where it belongs and dwells,
Prodding at my back,
While I refuse to turn.
I laugh, unsure how to flirt.
I try to joke, but naked,
It rings false, sings with anxiety.
How can I explain that I no longer know how to navigate?
How to feel or how to explain,
I am present and willing,
But the awkwardness persists.
Did I ever understand this at all?
Feel natural within past arms,
Or was I so disconnected I didn’t see?
Missed the missing pieces,
The rejection of intimacy,
While touching nothing at all.
And now when I so badly want connection,
I find myself lost.
Suddenly shy and a little lost.
All I want is you to touch me,
And you do,
And I still cannot explain,
Who I really am.